16 January 2012

Fierce like a Lioness

Oh hi!

It's Blue Monday - it's the most depressing day of the year according to psychologist Cliff Arnell. He made his calculations back in 2005 using an elaborate math formula. Arnall reasoned that Blue Monday is the day when a slew of unpleasant variables such as drab weather, failing New Year's resolutions and Christmas bills collide, creating a veritable maelstrom of negativity.

Sort of fitting that I have a 1st scheduled appointment with a counsellor tonight. Ho hum.

I'm not usually one who has a problem talking about my feelings - to anyone that will listen actually. I like to get other people's opinions and sort of gauge whether my reactions fit with 'the norm'. This time I'm not so sure.

Here's my story (i'll try to keep it short):

My ex-husband is remarried. Lovely. Since he has been married his wife (who I knew as my younger sister's friend in highschool) has done all she can to sabotage life as anyone knows it. She doesn't seem to understand that we had decided we were not good married people - but we can still cooperate and be good parents to our 3 children. There have been a plethora of negative storms:

 She has sent my 'new' husband a registered letter outlining all of the reasons she thinks I am crazy and he should leave me.

She has told my daughter (14) horrific things about me and made her promise not to tell anyone. Including: "I'm sure your mother is a nice person, but she needs some serious mental help and until she gets it she will never love herself or you".

There are so many things..and after writing only those two I've decided I've made my point and I'm not throwing any more out there...for now.

A month and a half ago while my children were at their home for the weekend My ex and his wife had a screaming fight which resulted in her physically assaulting him in front of my children. Leaving them scared and emotionally hurt.

I called family & children's services the very next day. They spoke with each of my kids separately and determined that they should not be going to that house if she is present as it is not emotionally comfortable or safe for my kids.

This was fine - my ex had decided this was the last straw and they were going to divorce once and for all. (this isn't the first time she has physically assaulted him - in fact the police were involved and she was arrested back in August).

Last Monday they announced they would be getting back together - they'd made a marriage counselling appointment and all was well again.

My children are angry and hurt and confused about this decision - afterall, they have been hearing from their father for over a month how happy he was to be getting his life back on track, he would stop drinking and smoking - start being a better dad and told them several negative things about his wife.

I spoke with him about my concern about them going for their bi-weekly weekend visit and after a few heated discussions we agreed that until the kids had been able to process the situation and felt comfortable (if ever) they would not have to be in a situation where they would have to see her or feel uncomfortable because she is around.

This past weekend they were to go to his house. Instead of going on Friday night as usual they would wait until Saturday afternoon - the time she would leave the house until Sunday night, when she would return just before dinner. He would leave the house and take them out for dinner just before she got there.

I found out this morning that it didn't happen that way. She came home in the afternoon and my kids were told they weren't going out because his back was sore.

I am livid. So many people have different opinions on how to handle this situation.

SO - to a counsellor I go.



  1. So stressful..glad you use resources available to you...I don't know what I would do in a situation like that. Great job being the adult.

    1. thank you, it would definitely help if there was some sort of flow chart for this sort of thing :)